I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
