I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize