I am puke
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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