I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Boobs are out for the taking
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
