you guys were way drunker than both of me
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
