and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Shame is for Republicans.
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