Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
