i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
