the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
