Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
