The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize