I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize