his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
