I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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