my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
