Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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