hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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