I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
