My room smells like vodka and shame
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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