The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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