Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
