bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Randomize
