it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
