Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
