my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
