So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
