I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
it's like iHOP with fire
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
