Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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