Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she told me i tasted like america
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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