yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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