he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
