I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
