My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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