I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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