I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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