I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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