You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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