They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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