She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She's the barista slut.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
