On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
