Pappa wants mamma naked
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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