dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
