No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize