I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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