I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Randomize
