I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
