the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize