Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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