Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
