her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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