She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Randomize
