I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
