Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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