sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
