They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
