fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
