Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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