i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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