mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
