Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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