her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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