If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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