Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
