people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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