I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
