Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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