She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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