dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
