I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
