would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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